Last Fall, during happier times. Still trying to channel this same energy today ❤
The past few months have been filled with many obstacles: loss, uncertainty, confusion, doubt and most importantly, self-doubt. My entire life I’ve struggled with confidence- some days I feel on top of the world- ready to take on climbing a mountain, the next day I’d rather curl up in self-pity and can convince myself I’ll never accomplish my personal Mount Everest climb. However, the past few weeks I have been reckoning with life questions and decisions about my future. I guess they say that it’s often the hardest times that bring about the biggest changes or something like that. I decided that my fear of failure- which has been a theme in my life- is incomparable to my fear of stagnation. If I don’t even try, how can I fail? I know this is a cliche and I can see the Home Goods distressed wooden signs displaying something of the same nature on sale for 9.99 on the clearance self. But there’s something about losing someone dear to me, and being confined to my own physical and mental space for the last few months that has left this idea more clear in my mind than ever. I realized that without meaning to or allowing myself to explore other options, I had let my fear and insecurities control my future. I’m not saying that tomorrow I’ll land my dream job, win the lottery, or move to the UK, but I’ve allowed myself to realize that all of these things are options, not some intangible shooting star I’m continually grasping for. Each day I’m taking small steps towards accomplishing my goals, if that means taking small or big risks, I guess we’ll see how the stars align.